So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
