My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
