Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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