the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
