Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
