when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
