she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
