Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
