How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize