it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
