All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
