Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
