I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
