i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So much Jack, so little girl.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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