Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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