I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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