just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
