look no pants
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize