I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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