do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
