I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
