): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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