1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
