Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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