Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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