Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
