if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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