CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
