i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
