Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
