arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I could fuck to npr.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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