I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm getting married
To pizza
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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