I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
