My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
