I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This toilet bowl is my home.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
