you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
