Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
