Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
