I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
