I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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