Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
