Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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