I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
