Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
