Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you never un-have a 4some
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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