toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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