so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
