well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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