im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
