How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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