When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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