I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
