the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
