Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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