Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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