I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
