she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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