drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
