he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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