Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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