well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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