I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
