the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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