I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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