But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
