New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
