had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
