she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
