He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
