The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
