I can tuck mytits in my pants
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
