My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
