I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
