Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
