I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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