ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I love you. Go after that dick
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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