I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
