operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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