this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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