She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
