I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't put those talents on a resume
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
